sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
