but the lizard people decide everything anyway
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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