after a month anything with tits is on the radar
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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