god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
