Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
