i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
