Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
