she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
