Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
