Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
