I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize