my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
