OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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