Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Found your dick twin last night
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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