Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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