checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
