Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Randomize
