it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
