I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize