im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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