We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
