Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
