So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
