girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
