Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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