Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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