Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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