I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
