end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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