When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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