I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
