I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
