The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
