Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize
