I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
