is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
