you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
