I want to have your abortion
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
