Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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