Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
