Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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