I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
