I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
