I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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