There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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