I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
