his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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