I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
