Ambien. No doubt about it.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
