this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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