Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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