Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
