I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
