So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize