It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
