And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize