Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
