oh god the rape fog is back!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
