Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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