You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
