Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
