You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
