Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
